spoiler alert: a baby comes out at the end of this story 😂

BY FAR the most requested topic I've ever had... our birth story! 6 weeks ago, Miles Oliver Eskuri (often called “moe”) joined the party, and our world has been brand new ever since!

I had visualized what I hoped his birth and labor would look like for months now, annnnd, well, A LOT of things happened as we hoped *and* many things were different than we expected…….

I asked if you guys wanted the cliff notes or the FULL sha-bang, and you guys made it very clear that you wanted the FULL scoop. While this blog post provides 90% of the story, we also recorded a very thorough video version of this story— which includes all the smaller details!

If you prefer to read our birth story, you’re in the right place, and if you would rather watch or listen to this story, just click the video below :) This is a choose your own adventure, but however you like, you’re going to get one wild birth story!

Ya ready??? Giddy up!

for the FULL story told from mine & adam’s perspective (plus a clip of the exact moment we met Miles…. *cue happy tears*), This video has ALLLLL the details & more small stories interwoven throughout— the story below is the meat & potatoes, but doesn’t have EVERY last detail like the video does. click here to watch (or just listen to it podcast style) on youtube!

birth how YOU want to birth!

Okay, first things first. I am going to ask that I share this story from a safe space— this is MY birth experience. Everything in this post is just MY experience, perspective, and birthing journey.

As always, I COMPELTELY respect your views, birthing experience, medical situation, provider’s input, and desires for *your* labor. How you and your provider choose to labor can be such an empowering decision— whether its a planned C-section, a home birth, an epidural, an induction… YOUR birth is YOUR choice :)

One thing is for sure— every woman’s journey with pregnancy, labor, and birthing is unique (and that includes mine!).

my intentions— an unmedicated birth

All of that being said, my intention was to do things as naturally as possible and only use more interventions as needed. I innately feel very empowered and fascinated by birth— I just truly had this rock-solid belief that my body was MADE for this, and I wanted to work with my body the entire labor.

What that looked like for me was a hope to do an unmedicated labor & birth vaginally with as few interventions as possible.

While there can be some benefits to doing an unmedicated birth in the literature (oftentimes less interventions/instrument use, lower chance of c-section, shorter pushing times, can have a faster recovery, etc.), my desire for an unmedicated birth was DEEPER than that. It truly was a soul thing. I wanted the experience of an unmedicated birth, and truly liked the idea of the challenge of it. I was genuinely curious and inspired to see if I could do it. (it kind of felt similar to how I felt before my first marathon!)

Throughout my entire pregnancy, I prepped and did my best to PREPARE for the type of birth I desired— I established with a midwife team, I meditated, I practiced diaphragmatic breathing, I stayed active, I visualized, I journaled, I took a birth course, I read books, I learned & learned & learned and tried to EQUIP myself for the birth I desired.

That said, while I did prepare for an unmedicated birth… I also had a very firm belief and understanding that you cannot “plan” a birth.

Being a nurse myself, I know that things can change on a dime, can go differently than planned, and sometimes you DO need outside interventions or your birth won’t go as you hoped. While I wanted to be prepared, at the end of the day— I knew that the birth was going to take on its own journey and may look differently than expected.

I tried to find a sweet spot of holding onto the intense hopes & intentions for my birth, but not rigidly *grasping* for these things. I had intentions & hopes & a vision, but ultimately felt very surrendered that I couldn't "plan" a birth. While I put the work in, ultimately, what will be will be.

my ROCK throughout labor— from the very first moment it began to the last moment, this guy was SO present. SO in tune. SO supportive. I love you, adam.

when I thought he would arrive

For context— both my mom and sister went past due date with all of their kids so I kind of just assumed the same would happen for me. I truly NEVER pictured him arriving in July— mentally, I had prepped he wasn't going to arrive until mid-august! (I had even booked 3 induction-focused acupuncture appointments for around 41 weeks!)

That said, around 36 weeks (early July), I started having regular contractions on and off a few times per week. They were definitely more intense than braxton hicks (felt like moderate-to-intense period cramps) and would come in regular intervals and would last for hours, but they never amounted to "real" labor. this is called prodromal labor— where your body IS having "real" contractions, but they never progress to full labor. After 2+ weeks of experiencing these contractions on and off, I had gotten kind of numb and "used to" these prodromal contractions (note— prodromal labor kind of sucks! the contractions WERE real, albeit mild, and it got old feeling uncomfortable contractions that weren’t really “doing” anything).

Fast forward to the weekend of July 23rd (I was 38 weeks), we had blocked off the weekend solely to "nest" and finish some last-minute house projects. We worked HARD this weekend-- moved furniture around, painted, hung things on the wall, deep cleaned, etc. Not to mention, we had a full-blown bathroom renovation going on and our house was CHAOS. Tbh, at this time, I was sooo stressed by all that needed to be done before baby came-- the bathroom reno, my final 2 weeks at work, launching my collection of pregnancy journals, taking some time for just *us*, etc.

That whole weekend as we worked on the house, I was experiencing my "fake" contractions. On Saturday, they lasted all day and stopped when I went to bed (this is how they usually were). On sunday, they lasted all day, and i truuuuuuly thought NOTHING of them. I just assumed they would stop when I went to bed, until....

the literal state of the nursery the DAY I went into labor. Our nursery is right next door to our bathroom renovation so they stored their materials here. Nothing says “we’re ready for a baby!” like having a random toilet in your nursery, AM I RIGHT?!?!?!

surprise!

Adam and I were chilling on the couch, watching the World Champs of Track (kind of funny– because we found out we were pregnant the morning we watched NCAA Cross Country Champs on TV!), giving Summit a haircut (that we quit halfway through, and said “let’s just finish it tomorrow…” L O L), and getting ready for bed.

As you know, doing ANYTHING when you are in late-stage pregnancy is exhausting….. Buuuuut a full weekend of house projects?!?! I. was. exhausted. I literally kept saying how excited I was to go to bed, how I was going to sleep like a log, how tired I was, etc.

Welllll….. Right around 10:30, I felt a kind of “drop” in my stomach. I can’t describe it any other way, and then had a rush of discharge come out. Hmmm.. that was weird. A bit different. I mean, I was having contractions, wasn’t I??? But, then again, I had been having these same period-like contractions for about 2 weeks at this point. I am SURE they will stop when I go to bed tonight.

….right?

But, something about that “thud” in my stomach just made me feel like something coooould be happening. In my birth plan, I had always planned to do the “Miles Circuit” right when labor started to help encourage proper positioning and labor’s progress. Just for the heck of it, I did a few of the Miles Circuit moves, annnnd…. Those prodromal contractions did start becoming a bit more frequent… a little more intense… but I am SURE they’ll stop when I go to bed tonight like they normally do.

…. right?

Welp, I went to bed, and they did not stop. In fact, everything ramped up in intensity almost immediately. Minutes after getting in bed, I started vomiting intensely. I started clearing my bowels. The contractions felt a LOT stronger than period cramps. They became even more frequent.

…but even still I was fighting it. But baby COULDN’T be here yet. I was SURE he was going to come after my due date?!?! It’s only July! Our house is a mess! Our bathroom is completely torn apart! I have two full weeks left at work! So much to wrap up before baby arrive! Annnnnd I am SO. TIRED. Baby CANNOT be coming tonight.

…right?

the most INSANE nesting urge happened in the 2 days leading up to our arrival, and we DID move the toilets & materials to another area of the house. We did soooo many house projects the day I went into labor, and I felt the soul NEED to finish up the nursery…. the gut knows!

the stage of denial…

I was in such an odd mode in this space– simultaneously giddy and excited that omg this COULD be it, and I might meet my son?!?!?! \And also OMG he can’t be coming, I have so many logistics to handle first!!!! And I NEED TO SLEEP!!!! (guys… i cannot emphasize how exhausted I was going into this birth, hahahah).

Physically, my body was moving forward in labor, but mentally, I was stagnant.

I could NOT process I was in labor. I kept saying “I am sure it’ll stop once I go to bed.’, “this can’t be tonight”, “our house is chaos”, “...but, my work!”, etc. etc. etc. My mind was REELING with all the reasons this timing didn’t make sense.

Adam was the first to fully realize this WAS the real deal and gave me THEE BEST pep talk. It was along the lines of “Kate, I know our house is a disaster, I know you have 2 weeks left at work, I know you wanted to accomplish X,Y, Z before he arrived, but NONE of that matters. What matters is that you ARE in labor, that this baby is safe, that you are safe, and truly NOTHING else matters. We will figure everything out after the fact. But, right now, this IS happening– let’s do this!”

In that moment, it CLICKED for me.

a peek at what is to come! our VERY strong boy! 8 and a half pounds even though he was a bit early! (official arrival was 38weeks 5 days)

omg, this is happening…

Immediately, when I surrendered to the timing, to the labor, to my body– almost immediately everything ramped up even more. It’s like my body was waiting for my mind to catch up to fully realize & accept that this WAS happening.

Once my mind surrendered to my body, the contractions kept intensifying. It was like my body was waiting for “permission” to ramp up.

I got out of bed, and I got in the tiny, very old bath in our basement (because our main bathroom is still torn apart, hahaha) & contractions were already only 3 minutes apart! I was already having to breathe and moan through them– I couldn’t talk through them.

Only about 10 minutes after I even accepted that I was in labor, I was already in ACTIVE labor. Since “early labor” had been happening all day (but I had just written it off as prodromal labor) I didn’t fully “experience” early labor and it felt like I was just thrown into the throws of active labor. it seemed so abrupt that the contractions were already SO intense because I had written off all the milder contractions… and BOOM, the contractions were REAL.

Basically, by the time I even realized this truly was “it”, my body was already in the active stage!

laboring at home… (FYI: back labor sucks omg)

There is SO much I could say about this stage, but we covered all the details in the youtube video. Basically, I wanted to labor at home as long as possible before going to the hospital. My mom came over (around 1AM), and I was constantly rotating between the bath, the toilet, and our guest bedroom.

I kept changing my mind on what I wanted– I felt a bit scattered and just kept wanting to rotate to different positions, places, etc. and was FIXATED on the fact “i just needed to sleep!”. I felt like there was NO WAY i could do this if I didn’t rest– but it felt impossible to sleep with the intensity of the contractions.

annnnnnnd…. this entire time, I was having intense back labor (wooooof). Adam was doing hip squeezes with every contraction. I truly felt like I NEEDED these hip squeezes– back labor was soooo rough.

I finally settled on the carpet of the guest room and REFUSED to move. For about 90 minutes, we laid there. I was having contractions every 2-6 minutes (most of the time, every 3-4 minutes) and I was genuinely falling asleep between each contraction– then abruptly waking up and moaning through each contraction while adam did hip squeezes. Honestly, these 5-minute chunks of sleep DID help me and I felt more rested after this nap-contraction-nap-contraction fest on the carpet, hahaha.

Truthfully, the “at home” labor was A LOT more painful than I had envisioned. I had always pictured being in discomfort/moderate pain at home, but envisioned the true pain only occurring at the hospital— but I think just the abruptness of being in active labor and the back labor was a lot more intense than I had thought!

I also realized how many things that I had thought would happen during the at-home phase: going on a walk, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, listening to meditations, using the birth ball, etc. were of NO interest to me. I wanted zero stimulation— just a dark room and silence (…besides my moaning through each contraction, hahahah).

Around 3:30, things were getting wild. I started to feel out of control of my body, and it became clear it was time for the hospital. Adam got me dressed, and we took the car ride to the hospital. (again, there are way more details here that we included in the youtube video).

my momma, the angel. AKA sue-la the doula ;) she came over in the middle of the night, offered such unwavering support & a sense of peace— and even a post-partum reflexology footrub! (IYKYK) I can’t describe how special it was to have her there. I love you, momma.

to the hospital we go!

By the time I arrived at the hospital, I was undoubtedly in progressed labor– I was moaning in the hallways, had ZERO shame, and truly could not have cared less about how I was acting as I entered the ER and got wheeled up to L&D.

They got me in a room right away, and I was SO nervous to see what my cervical check was. I was terrified they were going to say like 1 cm or something.

…but I was at 6cm! YES! I was so encouraged by this. (I literally said “hell yeah” out loud????? who says hell yeah besides Larry The Cable Guy???? apparently, me, in labor.)

Right away, I pursued some IV fluids to hydrate myself as I had been puking and having diarrhea for the entire active labor, and hadn’t kept anything down. My intention was having all of these nourishing snacks and sips of fluid— but I had been vomiting/diarrhea for the entire labor. I hadn’t kept anything down and I felt dehydrated and weak. I asked to get a liter of basic IV fluids. Adam was more cautious as he knew my birth plan for an unmedicated birth and didn’t want to kick off the “cascade of interventions” by having an IV, but I knew in my heart, I was just dehydrated and a little bolus of fluids would help give me the energy to keep going. I am so happy I did this!

Somewhere along the line of getting to the hospital, it switched from back labor to “front” labor and that felt noticeably better. At this point, I was DEFINITELY in active labor so the contractions were obviously still suuuuper painful, but a different, less all-consuming than the back labor had been.

Something random is that for the entirety of my time in the hospital, I don’t think I opened my eyes once. Similar to how I was at home, I didn’t want anyyyy stimulation— I just had my eyes shut and was in my own little world of moaning through contractions.

baths & acupressure points & bulging waters, oh my!

RIGHT when I got to the hospital, I asked to get in the bath, and it was soooo lovely. (on a related note, I have like ZERO labor pictures to share because I am straight up naked in like every moment of the entire labor. From home to hospital, from bath to bed, from contractions to pushing, ya girl wanted ZERO clothes on and refused to wear the gown. Again, I felt zeroooo shame at all the whoooole birth– I was literally in a primal state, hahahah.)

But, back to the bath– gosh, I love being in the water. At this stage, my contractions moved from my back to my front and it felt sooo much better. Gosh, back labor SUCKS. So even though I was dilating further along, it felt slightly more manageable than it had at home. I was having adam do acupressure points on me with each contraction and they helped SO. MUCH. (I share the specific points in the youtube). After about an hour in the tub, I felt the urge to push, and I asked to be checked again.

This time, I was 6 cm still– but now 100% effaced and with bulging waters! YAY for progress!

During my birth planning, I knew i was totally open to popping my waters if it felt right in the scenario. My mom had needed the waters popped with all of us and she said it really helped move things along. Not ot mention, I felt soooo much pressure down there. It felt like my body was working SO hard to push this big bag of waters down, but it just wouldn’t break and was stalling progress. i KNEW i wanted it popped. Intuitively, I just felt like this is what my body needed to get this show on the road.

They couldn’t pop it right away as there was another delivery right next door (which ended up being one of my best childhood friends?!?!?! life is so awesome), and, to be honest the pressure was SOOOO intense while I was waiting for them to finish up in there & be able to pop my waters.

adam holding onto me and supporting me during pushing. i just borrowed my face into his chest and puuuuushed!

no midwife on… wait, what?!

Around this time, I found out that the midwife who was supposed to come on had a medical event of her own and wouldn’t be in for her shift (very valid reason)..... This was a total fluke & couldn’t have been prevented, but that meant that there would be NO MIDWIFE ON. An OBGYN would be delivering my baby.

Instantly my mind was kind of spinning– would the OB honor all of the things that I had discussed with my midwife??? Delayed cord clamping?? Golden hour?? Pushing in an intuitive position?? Would they support my desire for an unmedicated, vaginal birth??

…but, at the same time, I felt really at peace. I truly believe happens as it is meant to, and if I was going to have an OB, so be it! While I had planned on midwives, established with them, and felt so comfortable with them– I was so far along in labor that I really didn’t care WHO delivered my baby as long as he came out. I also felt that I could “surrender” to this OBGYN new because I trusted that Adam knew my birth preferences well enough that he could advocate for me, if needed.

pop!

Back to the bulging bag of waters– after about 30 minutes of feeling SUCH intense pressure & waiting for them to break my waters after the delivery next door, they were finally able to pop mine (probably around 7AM???? I’m honestly not sure.), and it was SUCH a relief. Holy cow. The BEST moment. Annnnd, it sure DID expedite things. Omg. Immediately after they popped my waters, things got wiiiiiiiiiild– instantly after popping, I progressed to 8-9 cms and my body just TOOK over.

Intuitively, I moved to all fours and my body was moving & swaying and I was moaning & groaning & screaming. (I didn’t know if I would “vocalize” during labor, but I was SO. VOCAL. pretty much the whole time. Looking back, i am lowkey embarrassed a little, but in the moment, I had NO shame. Moaning and screaming felt sooooo good– it felt like I was a tea pot of pressure, and the only way to let it out was screaming, hahahha.).

annnnd…. i was PRIMAL.

Baby working down the birth canal was WILD and my body just kept moving on its own and swaying and I was screaming & feeling out. of. body. as baby descended. It was SO intense– physically and mentally. Physically, the feeling of my body bearing down on its own, and mentally feeling SO much pain, but knowing I was soooooo close to meeting him?!?!

I could barely talk at this stage & was mainly just moaning & screaming, but I remember one specific moment where adam and I locked eyes and I said “we are going to meet our son” and we just shared this really special moment and it refocused me on the end goal.

I felt the urge to push, and— 14 minutes of pushing (and screaming like a madwoman!) later, Miles was out!!!

Honestly, my intention was NOT to push him out that fast (as it can lead to extra trauma/tearing to the perineum). I would’ve preferred to breeeeathe him out gradually with pernieal stretching going on, but again, I was just sooo ready to get him out and my body was just doing it’s thing. Before I knew it, he was out!!!

he’s here!

I flipped around from all-fours (not very gracefully, I might add. Adam said it looked like I did a breakdancing move), and immediately grabbed my baby and adam and I were just crying happy tears and staring at him and kissing and crying some more, and it was TRULY the most magical moment of my life. Without a doubt. I felt SO alive & present & overjoyed & in awe.

… and, also, immediately just felt “back to myself”!?!?! It was sooo wild going from such a primal state to immediately feeling calm and “back to normal’ in seconds. Like the millisecond, Miles exited, I went from screaming & writing around to just being so calm & chatting with the careteam & feeling like myself. It was such a drastic change, and both adam and I noted how wild and abrupt it was!

This moment was so special with Miles.

(Although, in this moment, he wasn’t yet “Miles”. We hadn’t named him going into the birth. in fact, it took us a full day and a half to name him!!!! We had a few options that we were picking between, but he just felt like a Miles. While there were other options I loooooved for a name that were a bit more unique, but his energy just seemed the most “Miles”).

But, back to the point, as we laid there with soon-to-be-Miles, we did end up getting delayed cord clamping, and a beautiful golden hour. Our nurses did SUCH a great job honoring small wishes we had on our birth plan. Miles was SO alert & did great finding my nipple and feeding right away. Feeling him latch for the first time was sooo surreal and beautiful. His vitals were great and immediately it felt sooo right. During this time I was getting stitched down there, but I didn’t even care because my son was here!

He was healthy & perfect & so alert! I had an unmedicated birth! I was a mom!

This birth truly was so transformative to me. I am so proud of myself– I felt so empowered, so alive, and so aligned with how I wanted to welcome life into this world. It was primal, it was raw, it was intuitive, it was surprising in many ways, and it was truly the most VIVID experience of my whole life.

There are soooo many other small details in this story that we shared more in the video, but overall, that is my birth story!

What a wiiiiiild, beautiful ride.

Welcome to this world, my little buddy!!!

Love,
Mom

The Birth Story of Miles!