An Honest Look At My Grad School Journey: 18 Lessons I learned Along the Way
After three years of full time, nonstop graduate work, I can finally proudly say that I’m writing this post as a woman with a brand spankin’ new DOCTORATE. As you’ve probably seen on my Instagram, I recently graduated with my doctorate of nursing practice, specialized in Integrative Health…
I keep trying to find adequate words to summarize how I feel right now, to explain how much this degree means to me, to capture how on fire I am for this area of health.... but, for now, I am just allowing myself to BE in this moment— soaking up this feeling. reflecting on the last 3 years (and day dreaming about what is to come🤩💭), taking some much-needed time off this summer, and just feeling so, so grateful for this path I have found myself on....🙏🏼✨ (I’ll fill you guys in soon on the job I accepted— eep!)
But, I’ll be real…. grad school was no. joke. Long nights, intense study sessions, projects, clinical hours, and papers...the list goes on and on. While I learned SO much from an academic standpoint, (and I’m sooooo excited to continue sharing the goodness I learned about health and wellness on TFB in the future!), there were some lessons about grad school (and life, in general, to be honest…) that really stood out, as well.
While I am naturally an optimistic, free-spirited, & sunny-side-up kinda gal… I think this post will show you the logical, worker bee, get-er-done side of my personality & how I actually approached grad school from a practical sense. I didn’t just roll the dice and “wing it” getting this degree. I intentionally chose this program, committed to making the most of it, and gritted through it for 3 years to make it happen. In this post, I tried to be really honest on the different mindset, boundaries, and logical considerations of going to grad school.
Whether you are contemplating going back to school, are currently chasing down your degree, or just looking to read some general life lessons, I think you’ll find value in this post. I hope this honest behind-the-scenes is helpful to you, my friend! Let me know ANY questions you have in the comment section at the bottom— I always love chattin’ with ya :)
So, without further ado, here are 18 LIFE lessons I learned while I was in grad school.
#1: know your why
The first lesson is that you have to be crystal clear on WHY you want to go back to school. And, to be clear, this is not your family’s “why” on you going back to school, or your spouse’s or your boss’s… but YOUR why. WHY do *you* want to go back to school? To be frank, grad school isn’t easy. And unless you’re rock solid on your WHY and internal motivation, it can be even harder to push through the hard times. If I didn’t have the inner fire and desire to get this degree, I can’t even imagine how much more draining this schooling would’ve been. But I was able to push through and stay motivated because in my soul I knew it was the right move for me. To be honest, a lot of people questioned why I was going back to school for such a niche area of health— but *I* knew it was right so I was able to stay focused & clear despite the different barriers, opinions, and roadblocks along the way. Perhaps my biggest advice for this lesson is to really, truly, deeply consider your own personal reasons for wanting to go to grad school. Maybe you’re doing it to better your family. Maybe you’re really passionate about a certain area of education. Or maybe it’s a stepping stone to your dream career. Whatever it is, stand FIRM in it because the journey is tough— but having that foundational desire and reason behind it makes it all worth it! Grad school is a huge investment in time, money, and energy, so defining your why will help you make sure it’s what you *really* want on a personal level (and not just for external validation).
#2 define your main priorities and LIVE in alignment with them.
You’ve heard me say this before, but I reeeeeeallllly believe that you can do anything...but NOT everything. One thing I had to do while I was in grad school was get even more rigid with my boundaries. Is this the most fun? No. But was it an absolute game changer? Yes.
HERE’S HOW I DID IT: Going into school, I determined my top 3-4 priorities for that season of life. For me, my grad school priorities were my marriage, my health, school, and my career. These 4 things always came first and everything else came after. That may sound very black-and-white, but really these were just the areas of life that I focused on diligently during three years of a suuuuuper busy schedule, which meant that anything that fell outside of those categories (time with friends, travel, free time, training for running races, etc …) fell lower on the priority list. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t make any time for them, but I just prioritized my 3-4 MAIN priorities. It wasn’t easy to make those sacrifices, but I knew from the start that I wanted my 20s to be about building the foundation for my whole life in those core areas. By really focusing on a few specific areas, i was able to be very intentional and purposeful with them. Instead of scattering myself across every area and trying to “do it all”, I instead did fewer things with more intention. It was hard at times, but now, on the other side, I wouldn’t change a THING. Because of this narrow focus, I made some huge leaps & bounds in my career, started a side hustle business, made the most of my education, and kept my health & marriage rock solid during a busy season. Now that I’m done with grad school, I reset my top 3-4 priorities (they are much more fun, tehe) and I am now entering this season with a new purpose & focus. Your 3-4 top priorities for school may look (and probably will look) different than mine, and that’s OK!!! But whatever they end up being, I urge you to focus in on 3-4 main, broad areas of your life during your time in grad school and staying true to them. You will ultimately feel more accomplished in these areas and have your energy more grounded. Defining your main priorities and living in alignment with them will BLESS your future self—trust me.
#3 learn how to say “I don’t know.”
There’s nothing wrong with being uncertain or having questions—that’s why you’re in school, my friend! Questioning leads to learning, and that’s what you’re paying for. ;) In schooling it can be easy to want to come across as confident and prove that you deserve to be there, but give yourself grace in the not knowing. When you embrace the opportunity to learn, focus on listening to understand (not to speak), and adopt that lifelong learner mindset, you’ll have a fuller, deeper, richer experience during your time in school.
#4 do your best to be financially wise!
PLEASE Make a financial plan for your education before it even begins. Crunch the numbers— how much will the total program cost? Per semester? Can you work during it? Are there student aid opportunities? Are you going to pay for it? Take out loans? A mix of both? Will the schooling investment pay off in career opportunities? I think going into it with eyes WIDE OPEN financially is crucial in deciding if grad school is right for you. To be fully transparent— I’m proud to say that I paid for undergrad and now graduate school completely on my own with zero outside help from parents, family, etc. I’ll admit it was not easy, but I went in with the goal to graduate with zero to minimal student loans and did what I needed to get there. Perhaps my biggest tip here is to NOT UNDERESTIMATE scholarships and grants (yes, scholarships exist even in grad school!). I can’t even tell you how many scholarships I applied to, but WOW, it was a lot. Did I get every single one? No, ma’am. But I did get quite a few.! You never know unless you try! I also maximized my credits (I usually took a few credits more than a normal “full time” course load because that essentially equates to taking classes for free), I continued to work (part-time), I started a side hustle which helped contribute to my tuition, I automated “tuition” savings goals in Qapital (my fav money saving app), and I penny pinched where it made sense. I realize that there are SO MANY individual factors to the financial piece of going to grad school, and this was just my situation. But wherever you are in life, I urge you to go into your education with a financial plan & a clear idea of what your investment will be. Maybe you will need loans, maybe you can fund it yourself, maybe you’ll have support from your parents, may you can or cannot work during the program, etc. etc. etc. Whatever your individual scenario is, just go into it with the big picture in mind and determine if it is truly worth it, and just go in with your eyes wide open and a rock-solid financial plan. You’ve got this!
#5 ditch the “all or nothing” mindset.
You may have heard me reference this in a recent Instagram post about how I made time for health and self care during school, but there’s hardly anything in life that needs to be all or nothing! If you hang on to that all or nothing mindset...you’ll often be left with nothing. The truth is, grad school will suck up a LOT of time and you may feel at a lost for how to “keep up” with time with friends, exercising, eating healthy, keeping the house clean, etc…. but this is where the “something is better than nothing” mindset comes into play.
LET ME EXPLAIN...
➖15 minutes of yoga on the deck even if I didn't have time for a "real" 1-hour workout? still better than no workout at all.
➖writing a couple of paragraphs even if I didn't have the energy to sit down and write the whole paper? still better than not writing at all.
➖doing 90 sec. of deep breathing because I didn't have time for a "real" meditation? still better than no meditation at all.
➖only posting 1 blog post per month instead of my ideal 2-3? still better than no blog post at all.
➖texting a friend even when I don't have time for a full phone call? still better than not reaching out at all.
➖adding a handful of greens to a GF mac 'n' cheese on a busy dinner night? better than no greens at all.
was it ideal? no.
was it easy? no.
was it "perfect"? absoluuutely not.
but was it DOABLE? yes.
When you MAKE the time for the things that fill your cup (no matter what that looks like) you’ll be able to find so much more joy & peace in your day to day, especially during busy seasons.
One of the main lessons I learned in grad school... 👀 (tap here for the full post & takeaway)
#6 communicate proactively (both professionally and personally!)
One of the things that I think brought me the most success during grad school was communicating openly and honestly proactively instead of reactively. If I knew I had a busy week ahead of me, or if I noticed that I had due dates for several classes falling on the same day, I’d reach out to my instructors a few weeks ahead of time and ask for extensions on the assignment...and I never had anyone say no. Whether it’s research, a project, or a paper, communicating what you’re working on and keeping your instructors and advisors in the loop is SO helpful in keeping you on track—because they can course correct if something is off. Part of the reason I was able to graduate in three years was because I communicated with my advisor (a little obsessively, ha!) to ensure that I was meeting my requirements and on track to graduate on time.
On a personal level, I also used this to set expectations and communicate my feelings with my loved ones. As I mentioned, I set 3-4 big priorities during grad school, and one of the things that wasn’t on there was my social life. I definitely saw my friends and family less during these 3 years and it was tough— but I just communicated with them ahead of time that grad school was sucking up my extra time and energy and I was doing my best to focus my energy there. By texting, calling, and sending voice notes with something along the lines of “Just a note to say I am thinking of you! I am so sorry if I have seemed distant at all— I’ve just been in the grad school whirlwind! Life is pretty busy for the next month, but when I have a break from school next month, can we please get together?!?! I MISS YOU, and just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you even though I’ve been MIA lately!”. That’s just an example— but it allowed me to communicate that while I truly would LOVE to see them, I just may have to wait until a slower week where I’ll have more time, energy, and bandwidth to see them. While I personally missed seeing my friends/fam on the reg during grad school, all of my friendships stayed strong and I think it’s because we had open dialogue and I communicated honestly about why I could/couldn’t hang out as often during school. These people are your team, and they can only help you succeed if you communicate! Big takeaway: try to think ahead and let people know where you’re at without having to be asked by them! Keep them in the loop!
#7 invest in tools that will help YOU learn best.
When I was first looking at how expensive grad school is, I thought I couldn’t afford a new laptop or iPad and decided to just use what I had. But then I thought about it...if I was investing in grad school, why shouldn’t I also invest in tools to help me succeed? For me, I invested an iPad with a pencil to take notes (to all my fellow handwritten note takers, this is LIFE. CHANGING.), the Daily Page planner (particularly amaaazing during grad school. COUPON: KATE10), a timer cube, pens I love, and some habit tracking sheets. For you, it may be some headphones, a planner, a home office setup with dual monitors...but really ask yourself: if you’re willing to invest thousands of dollars into the CONTENT of your education, why not invest in a few tools that will help maximize your learning? You deserve it, and it truly does make a difference.
#8 ask for what you need and seek out opportunities that call to you
Going off the lesson about proactively communicating— just ask for what you want! This is YOUR education. For example, I was interested in teaching in an academic setting, but that opportunity wasn’t built into my curriculum. So I proactively asked the program leads if there were any teaching opportunities for me, and now I’ve secured a TA position that I’ll be doing as a part-time job post-graduation! My mom always said “If you never ask, the answer is always no.” If there’s a learning experience you’d like to have, opportunity you’d like to take, or simply something you want to add to your schedule—just ask! They may say no, but they may also say yes! Advocate for yourself and your interests— this is your education! Seize it!
#9 write down due dates & make a plan at the beginning of each semester
At the beginning of each semester, I would always go through ALL of my courses and write down every. single. due. date. in my planner. Doing this will give you a road map and a clear plan for what’s ahead of you. You’ll also be able to identify busy weeks when you’ll have to buckle down, and slow weeks when you’ll have a chance to take a breather. THIS is why I had time to take a few trips and see friends when I was in grad school— I was able to get a clear vision of what my semester would look like & plan my life around it. Identify the flow and take advantage of those slow weeks, my friend!
#10 imposter syndrome is REAL
When I first started my program, I felt like I had something to prove. Maybe it was because I was young, or maybe because I felt out of my element because I was no longer at the bedside as a nurse...but I couldn’t shake the feeling like “oooooof, who am I to be here??”. As time went on I noticed that the less I tried to prove myself as “worthy”, the more I truly felt like I belonged. Just BE YOU. Imposter syndrome is real for EVERYONE, so be confident and know your worth. If you’re going through a program and doing the work and getting passing grades, you do belong. Put in the work, be confident, and trust yourself. You can do this!
#11 organization and discipline are a must.
There’s just no way around it. Buy a planner (and USE it!), force yourself to study when you don’t want to, force yourself to write that paper when you don’t feel like it...grad school is a huge commitment and the only way through is to be organized and to be disciplined. That doesn’t mean you have to be intense & singular-focused for 3 years, but you will have to show consistently with diligence, presence, and a commitment to getting the job done.
#12 people care more about your experience & personality than a 4.0.
I was relentlessly chasing a 4.0 during the beginning of my program, but when I finally got one...it didn’t really matter. There wasn’t a *champagne shower* for me. People weren’t lining up to congratulate me or give me amazing job offers...the next semester started and I moved on. In fact, whenever I’ve had the chance to up-level my career or take on new opportunities, no one has ever asked about my GPA. They’ve asked about my job experience, research I’ve done, extra experiences I’ve sought out... Grades matter, but there’s no need to seek perfection—grad school is a whoooooooole new ballgame and your hands-on learning experience, jobs, research, and connections are far more important.
#13 boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
There’s no way to get through grad school without boundaries. Protect your peace, protect your time, and get reeeaaally good at saying “no.” It can be sooooooo tempting to keep trying to “do it all”, say yes to every invitation, or accept when someone asks you to take on an extra project at work, but saying no and honoring your boundaries in energy, time, and commitments will lead to success in the long run. Be clear on what you say “yes” to and what you say “no” to!
#14 no matter how busy you get, don’t drop your commitment to health.
Sleep, hydration, nutrition, your mental health...there are some commitments you just can’t drop. It may seem hard, but I never regretted prioritizing my health, even in the busiest times. Like I mentioned before in regards to the all or nothing mindset, just show up and do what you can, how you can, when you can—focus on your foundation. This is NOT about being perfect— nope, nope, nope. It’s about intention. Not only will your mood and energy be better, but your productivity will be as well. Without health, we have nothing.
#15 It takes a village (and ASK for help!)
I’m a naturally independent person *cues Independent Women by Destiny’s Child* so this was hard for me. But the smallest things like Adam cooking (and cleaning...and giving emotional support… and keeping our life in order...the real MVP!), friends offering support, family encouraging me, my grad school cohort leaning on each other, my advisors offering me advice, made the BIGGEST difference. This was a little uncomfortable for me at first, but once I learned to lean on others, ask for help, admit where I was struggling, etc. it benefitted me SO much. Even beyond relationships, it’s okay not to do it all on your own and ask for your help in the “logical” areas of life-- get a grocery drop off, hire a cleaner, get childcare, etc.! There are many resources to help automate your life and make things a little easier when grad school has robbed you of your time and energy, and don’t be afraid to seek out services to help you! (2 examples of resources that majorly helped me “automate” my life and save time during grad school: thrive market grocery deliveries & Splendid Spoon pre-made meals. It took me a while to swallow my pride and get these two services, but WOW, they helped so much in nourishing me during the busy days!)
#16 everything is temporary
I repeated this to myself soooooooo many times during my program. “Just get through this week, Kate.” “Just get through this semester, Kate.” It may seem a liiiiiittle bleak, but it’s TRUE! Grad school is a commitment. It may seem long when you’re in it, but it’s temporary. 10 years from now I know I’ll remember how hard I worked, but I won’t remember it vividly. You won’t be in grad school forever… break it into “chunks”, take it day by day, show up how you can, where you can, when you can-- and you WILL get there. One day at a time, one class at a time, one semester at a time… you ARE on your way!
#17 treat your education like what it is—an investment.
When I was going into my program, I was keenly aware of how much I wanted to maximize my experience. A doctorate is an investment in time, money, and energy...and it’ll be even more worth it if you make the most out of that investment. Are you showing up to your classes and making connections? Are you getting the worth out of what you’re paying? Sometimes, if I didn’t feel like studying, I’d do the math of how much I was paying financially in terms of the credits for that class. Welp, being reminded that you paid literally hundreds of dollars to learn that specific module is a great motivator to study, HA! But ultimately, use your financial investment as a motivating tool— you are paying to be here. Are you making the most of your investment?
#18: make your education experience your own.
YOU are paying for this. YOU are investing your time and energy. This is YOUR education. So follow YOUR path and don’t be afraid to pivot. Truthfully, I had a bit of a different “end goal” than a lot of my cohort as I don’t necessarily want to work in the traditional healthcare environment upon graduation. And that’s okay! What I did was try to cater my learning experiences to the future career that I am hoping for. Take classes that call to you, seek out learning experiences that are aligned, make connections and friendships, and advocate for yourself! I coordinated the exact clinical I wanted with the exact people I wanted by reaching out and emailing them. You are on this path for YOU, your life, and your future—make the most of it & stay true to your path and end goals.
To wrap it up…
Going back to school is a big decision, and you’re the only one who knows if it’s right for you. I hope that sharing some of the lessons I learned along the way will help make that choice a little easier! As I come fresh off of my own grad school journey all I can say is… What. A. Ride! This degree simultaneously felt like the longest *and* the quickest 3 years of my life... Such a beautiful, challenging, exhausting, fulfilling BLUR.... but we MADE IT!!!!! 🙏🏼😭✨ And I know you can do it too. It’s your path...go forth and conquer!